Sontee Irvin: More than Research
During my breakaway at Georgia Tech, I spent a lot of time doing research. I mean, that’s what I was there for, because it was a ten-week undergraduate research program. I used instruments and pipetted chemicals, sure. I spent long days wondering why my microcapillary electrophoresis instrument wasn’t working and brainstorming ways to force it to work. I filled out an entire lab notebook and printed out endless graphs. I wrote research plans, abstracts, PowerPoint presentations, and posters. That being said, that’s all that I expected out of my breakaway, but what I didn’t expect to experience at this program was emotional growth. I never expected to feel the ethical regret I felt when all was said and done.
Within the cohort, there was an REU student that seemed to be struggling to fit in. She was quiet and mainly kept to herself. I didn’t interact with her much, only an occasional hello or goodbye. During the second week of the program, she expressed to the other students that she felt left out of plans and outings. She texted the program group chat with a 500-word paragraph of emotional gibberish. She repeatedly said that the rest of the group hated her and wished she would leave the program, etc.
She was not in the chemistry cohort, but she was in the neuroscience cohort. Because of our lack of interaction, it was during this time that it was revealed to me that she had a severe mood disorder. While this behavior was less surprising after learning this fact, the incident shocked my friends, members of her cohort, as they had not known her well enough or spent sufficient time with her to form an opinion. They were even more shocked that she was expressing this so strongly with little to no evidence.
I did not experience some of her episodes firsthand, but I did usually experience the aftermath. I was simply unaware of how much of an issue her disorder would be to her in the coming weeks and how I could have helped her through that.
Her behavior after this incident was not surprising. She continued to avoid the rest of the group but she repeatedly stated that she felt like she had done nothing to deserve the treatment she was receiving. Confused, I asked my friends if they had done anything they felt was disrespectful or harmful and they seemed as confused as I was. These small incidents occurred multiple times throughout the program.
On the last night of the program, my friends and I hung out. While in our apartment hallway, one of my friends made a joke that took me off guard. In an attempt at surprised laugher, I yelped. Five minutes later, I received a message in our REU group chat. It was from the troubled student. She asked if I would quiet down because she was trying to sleep and had to travel the next day. I apologized and stated that it was only one yelp to explain myself. Another student replied that we all had a long day of travel ahead and that he was sorry for the noise. His message upset her and she replied with claims that her cohort hated her the entire program and that all of the REU students wanted her to die, etc. This endured for twenty minutes. Her messages became incoherent and increasingly concerning. It was obvious that she was interpreting honest and emotionless responses as attacks.
Many of us attempted to calm her down and explain that we had no problem with her, but she insisted that we did. Eventually, she apologized and we didn’t hear from her again that night. Although I tried to calm her down, I wish I would have reported her to our program advisors or at least expressed concern.
As a STEM student, I’ve been taught to always make ethically sound decisions, but I was truly unaware of what this consisted of. We are taught that ethics are important, but that is the extent to which we learn about ethics. I assumed chemistry related ethics only involved research dos and donts, but this was proven false to me by the end of my second week in Atlanta. I feel as though she needed more help than we assumed. At the time, I figured it wasn’t something I should have gotten involved with. Now, I feel as though she would have appreciated if someone took the time to ensure she was getting help.
In discussion with classmates of mine since this experience, I realized that many people believe college and internships are supposed to create not only prepared employees/staff, but good people. While I feel like it is not the university’s job to teach students what is right and what is wrong, it would be helpful as someone in a science field to have been told that sometimes workplace problems are social problems. I know this seems like an obvious statement; however, I don’t believe anyone could have expected this experience. My skills and confidence have surely increased, but in hindsight, I believe I possessed adequate skills before my program. The main lesson I returned with is that my future career is not limited to research. Compassion, respect, and kindness are all also part of a fulfilling career as a scientist.
Sontee is a chemistry major from Abbeville, SC. She is the president of the American Chemical Society chapter at Lander. Sontee completed a ten-week undergraduate research program at Georgia Tech. She graduates in May of 2024 and plans on attending graduate school for a PhD in organic chemistry.