Hannah Owens: From Fear to Fluency
From Fear to Fluency: My Transformative Journey in Spain
Ever since I was a little girl, I always had this dream to travel. In school, I was introduced to the Spanish language and culture. I fell in love with the language and was drawn to all the places where it was spoken. When my middle school Spanish teacher told me about her study abroad experience in Spain, I knew that was where I wanted to go. For years I daydreamed about what it would be like to travel to Spain. I dreamt of the food, the people, and the places. These thoughts both excited me and terrified me. Would I be prepared to take on a whole new world by myself? Would I know the language well enough to get by? What would I learn from the experience? Who would I become afterwards? Almost a decade later, I answered those questions for myself.
In January of 2024, I nervously boarded my flight to Madrid, Spain. It was a trip full of firsts: my first time traveling and flying alone, my first time visiting a different continent, and my first time spending more than a month away from my family. As I sat on the plane, a mix of anticipation and anxiety kept me awake. In an attempt to push my nervousness aside, I kept reminding myself that I was finally doing what I had dreamed of for years. I was determined to make this trip as fulfilling as possible. Finally, after a long fifteen to seventeen hour journey, I landed in Madrid. Despite a few challenges along the way, I eventually made it to my host mother’s home and began settling in.
The first several weeks were particularly difficult, as I struggled to adjust to my new surroundings. Navigating the metro system was difficult; I was struggling to use my Spanish (which I was expected to do almost 24/7), and I was feeling overwhelmed at my new school. In those moments, I questioned myself. Why did I think this was a good idea? I felt completely unprepared. I questioned my ability to grasp the language and truly interact with others. I was desperate to take control of my experience, but at that time, my world felt like chaos.
During my third week in Spain, the stress of adjusting to a new environment took its toll on my body, and I became sick. It was one of the worst sicknesses I had ever had, leaving me feeling more helpless than before. So many emotions started to creep in. My physical weakness gave way to sadness and longing to return home. I felt ashamed for burdening my host mom with taking care of me so soon after my arrival. I felt useless because I didn’t have a voice, when my main reason for being there was to speak and learn the language. How could I do this when I could not even muster the strength to go to school, let alone leave my room? I felt like I was dying (metaphorically, of course). This departure from my usual routine lasted for three long weeks.
An aesthetic picture of my medications
Eventually, I started feeling better, and the world began to have color again. This is when I really began to start exploring my surroundings. I realized how little time I had to go out and explore Madrid. Getting sick felt like such a setback, and I was eager to make up for the time. I had my voice back, which was huge for me. I finally was able to go back to school and start learning again. My teachers and friends welcomed me back, and all was well.
Until I got sick again.
Over the span of 3 months, I got sick 3 times, each time with tonsillitis, something I’d never had before. Each time, however, giving me a new perspective. Although I wasn’t experiencing death or a serious illness, I still felt restricted. I didn’t feel like me, but the moments after sickness made me feel strong and accomplished. Many people wonder where I gained a sense of accomplishment from something so minute as a temporary illness, and to that I argue that I learned a lot about myself in these moments.
Arguably my biggest “I made it” moment came from a time where I was sick. In my third month there, I made the journey back to Hospital Universitario HM Madrid, a hospital I knew all too well. For context, my school in Madrid always set up my appointments for me. The very first time I was sent to the hospital via a taxi, along with a translator provided by the school. The first time was super easy, and practically everything was done for me. The second and third times, however, went a lot differently. The second time, I was made to find my way to the hospital alone, via metro, and then was seen by a doctor that spoke English. Nothing too crazy, but that experience was a little more independent. Easy right? By the third time I went, I felt like I knew this hospital and the routine of being seen like the back of my hand.
I sat confidently in the waiting room, waiting for my number to be called and my translator to arrive. I waited about 30 minutes before my number finally appeared on the “ready” board. My translator still hadn’t shown, but I wasn’t fearful; instead, I just assumed my translator was already in the room with my doctor. When I entered the room, my stomach dropped. Staring back at me was a lone woman in a white doctor’s coat. Before freaking out fully, I convinced myself that this woman probably spoke English and there was nothing to worry about. She kindly greeted me in Spanish. As I sat down, she began asking me about my symptoms; the only problem was that she asked me in Spanish. In this moment, I had a choice to make: I could either A. reply in English in an attempt to switch languages or prompt assistance, or I could B. try my best to translate for myself. I decided to go with the latter option. Even though I doubted myself, I was able to successfully convey my needs and understand the medical advice I was given. At the very end of the conversation, the doctor complimented me by saying, “Tu español es muy bueno.”
Your Spanish is very good.
When learning a different language, this compliment is one of the most impactful things someone can say to you, at least in my opinion. The doctor's compliment left me more confident in my own ability and allowed me to realize that I should never second-guess myself.
Previously, I questioned my abilities and diminished my self-confidence out of fear of failure. But now, I could confidently answer all the questions I had asked myself before the trip with a resounding "Yes!" Yes, you were ready. Yes, you spoke the language. Yes, you did it.
The doctor's compliment proved to me that I can accomplish whatever goals I set for myself. I can speak the language adequately. All I had to do was try. In the end, it wasn't about doing things perfectly, but about the confidence I showed in trying. That compliment has stuck with me to this day. I now let it remind me that I am stronger than fear.
Hannah Owens is an Interdisciplinary Studies major with concentrations in Graphic Design and Marketing, complemented by a minor in Spanish, from Pelion, South Carolina. She studied abroad in Madrid, Spain, at TANDEM International School from January to March 2024. After her graduation from Lander University in May 2025, Hannah intends to pursue a master’s degree and work as a consumer behavior analyst specializing in product packaging design.