Hannah Leister: My Gender Identity
Being away from home allowed me to discover something about myself. To be clear, I’m not referring to a skill or talent. I’m referring to something that has always been a part of me, but I was not aware of it. There was not a key moment that revealed to me the mysterious element but a series of events that led to the realization. I think that I eventually would've realized it regardless of where I chose to do my breakaway, but the level of self-awareness necessary to understand it would only come with being away from home for a significant period of time. My experiences at the University of Winchester led me to realize my gender identity.
Prior to my breakaway, I’d never left the United States. In fact, I’d never lived more than an hour’s drive from Greenwood. The City of Greenwood had been my home since the age of six. Though Lander’s campus had and continues to have a different atmosphere than the rest of the city, I know that I haven’t really left home when I go to school. The many familiar faces that I see on campus remind me that I’ve not left Greenwood.
My parents identify as conservatives as do most of my friends from high school. At that time, so did I. Throughout my childhood, I was content with the familiar. It wasn't until college that I learned about other worldviews from a perspective of open-mindedness. As I continued my college career, I attempted to also learn more about myself, which I thought would lead not only to a change in beliefs but also to an increase in curiosity. However, when the opportunity to study abroad was presented to me, I was reluctant to leave home.
After landing at the Heathrow Airport in London, the feeling of reluctance fled almost immediately. I felt a strange sense of peace in the unfamiliar environment. For the first time in my life, I felt free from my family and friends’ expectations. All the faces that I saw were new except for those of two fellow Lander students, who also seemed comfortable in our new location.
During orientation week, I had the opportunity to join societies, which is what the British call clubs or organizations. As a proud bisexual, I decided to join the university’s society for members of the LGBTQ+ community, which shares a name with Lander’s gay-straight alliance, Spectrum. Through the society, I met a diverse group of people. There was representation for every letter of “LGBTQ” and even identities with which I was less familiar including asexuality.
After a couple of weeks, I matched with someone on Tinder who was also a member of the society. In their pictures and in person, they appeared as female, but, during one of the meetings, they identified themselves as non-binary. I was not very familiar with the term, so I didn’t think much of it.
One evening, I went to event at which they were not present. During a conversation with the society’s president, I mentioned their name and said, “She’s not coming.” The president corrected me saying, “They’re not coming.” Again, I didn't think much of it. Now, while reflecting on the conversation, I realize the significance of what the president said.
I continued talking to them outside of societal meetings and eventually asked them on a date. One date led to another, and we continued to see each other throughout the semester. I misgendered them during one of our dates, which led to a conversation about their gender identity. I asked them why they chose to identify as non-binary. They said that they never felt the bond of sisterhood that most girls seem to feel with each other. Though they felt that their presence was more masculine because of their aggressive nature, they didn’t think that they were transgender. They didn’t feel comfortable identifying as male or female. The more that I thought about what they said, the more I realized that I related to how they felt.
Based on my experiences in American and British classrooms, the two seem to approach knowledge differently. Americans tend to divide information into dichotomous categories like true and false or right and wrong. We accept a single approach that we consider to be right and disregard the approaches that we consider to be wrong in practice. There is no middle ground. For example, in my management class at Lander, we usually learn only one approach to each topic. In the modules that I took at the University of Winchester, we often discussed a variety of theories for each topic. The lecturers seemed reluctant to declare a theory as right or wrong. When discussing various approaches to management and leadership, my lecturer treated each with equal respect. As society progresses to be more inclusive of non-binary people, I think that the British will be more accepting of an idea that is not conducive to dichotomous categories.
Additionally, though I struggled to stop the habit, I appreciated the fact that the British do not say “yes ma’am” or “no sir” like Southerners. The practice of using cisgender titles in everyday speech reinforces the idea that there are only two genders. The lack of addressing others by title deemphasizes the importance of belonging to a binary gender. As the number of openly non-binary people grows across the world, I think that the British will be able to more easily adjust their speech patterns to accommodate us.
Eventually, I may have realized my gender identity without the help of a breakaway, but I am glad that it happened sooner than later. Since the discovery, I have felt more confident in who I am. The version of myself that I now present to the world more closely aligns with the real me. In the fall, I will become the vice president of Lander’s Spectrum. If there are members of the organization who are struggling with their gender identity, I hope that my experiences will allow me to help them discover themselves like I did.
Prior to my breakaway, I’d never left the United States. In fact, I’d never lived more than an hour’s drive from Greenwood. The City of Greenwood had been my home since the age of six. Though Lander’s campus had and continues to have a different atmosphere than the rest of the city, I know that I haven’t really left home when I go to school. The many familiar faces that I see on campus remind me that I’ve not left Greenwood.
My parents identify as conservatives as do most of my friends from high school. At that time, so did I. Throughout my childhood, I was content with the familiar. It wasn't until college that I learned about other worldviews from a perspective of open-mindedness. As I continued my college career, I attempted to also learn more about myself, which I thought would lead not only to a change in beliefs but also to an increase in curiosity. However, when the opportunity to study abroad was presented to me, I was reluctant to leave home.
After landing at the Heathrow Airport in London, the feeling of reluctance fled almost immediately. I felt a strange sense of peace in the unfamiliar environment. For the first time in my life, I felt free from my family and friends’ expectations. All the faces that I saw were new except for those of two fellow Lander students, who also seemed comfortable in our new location.
During orientation week, I had the opportunity to join societies, which is what the British call clubs or organizations. As a proud bisexual, I decided to join the university’s society for members of the LGBTQ+ community, which shares a name with Lander’s gay-straight alliance, Spectrum. Through the society, I met a diverse group of people. There was representation for every letter of “LGBTQ” and even identities with which I was less familiar including asexuality.
After a couple of weeks, I matched with someone on Tinder who was also a member of the society. In their pictures and in person, they appeared as female, but, during one of the meetings, they identified themselves as non-binary. I was not very familiar with the term, so I didn’t think much of it.
One evening, I went to event at which they were not present. During a conversation with the society’s president, I mentioned their name and said, “She’s not coming.” The president corrected me saying, “They’re not coming.” Again, I didn't think much of it. Now, while reflecting on the conversation, I realize the significance of what the president said.
I continued talking to them outside of societal meetings and eventually asked them on a date. One date led to another, and we continued to see each other throughout the semester. I misgendered them during one of our dates, which led to a conversation about their gender identity. I asked them why they chose to identify as non-binary. They said that they never felt the bond of sisterhood that most girls seem to feel with each other. Though they felt that their presence was more masculine because of their aggressive nature, they didn’t think that they were transgender. They didn’t feel comfortable identifying as male or female. The more that I thought about what they said, the more I realized that I related to how they felt.
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Based on my experiences in American and British classrooms, the two seem to approach knowledge differently. Americans tend to divide information into dichotomous categories like true and false or right and wrong. We accept a single approach that we consider to be right and disregard the approaches that we consider to be wrong in practice. There is no middle ground. For example, in my management class at Lander, we usually learn only one approach to each topic. In the modules that I took at the University of Winchester, we often discussed a variety of theories for each topic. The lecturers seemed reluctant to declare a theory as right or wrong. When discussing various approaches to management and leadership, my lecturer treated each with equal respect. As society progresses to be more inclusive of non-binary people, I think that the British will be more accepting of an idea that is not conducive to dichotomous categories.
Additionally, though I struggled to stop the habit, I appreciated the fact that the British do not say “yes ma’am” or “no sir” like Southerners. The practice of using cisgender titles in everyday speech reinforces the idea that there are only two genders. The lack of addressing others by title deemphasizes the importance of belonging to a binary gender. As the number of openly non-binary people grows across the world, I think that the British will be able to more easily adjust their speech patterns to accommodate us.
Eventually, I may have realized my gender identity without the help of a breakaway, but I am glad that it happened sooner than later. Since the discovery, I have felt more confident in who I am. The version of myself that I now present to the world more closely aligns with the real me. In the fall, I will become the vice president of Lander’s Spectrum. If there are members of the organization who are struggling with their gender identity, I hope that my experiences will allow me to help them discover themselves like I did.
Hannah
Leister attended the University of Winchester during the 2017 fall semester.
She will graduate in May of 2019 with a degree in Business Administration.
After graduation, she plans to return to the University of Winchester to earn a
master’s degree.