Sarah Wise: Negative in the Present, Positive in the End
“This is why, Sarah. This is why I didn’t want family to work for me!”
That was coming from my dad. This moment brought me to tears. I found myself in his office bathroom begging myself through the mirror to get it together. His words shouldn’t have hurt me that bad, but they did, why? At the moment I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I was so focused on his words that I wasn’t focused on my experience. This was part of my experience, though. It wasn’t all about the work. The atmosphere I was in created the experience that I had. So, what was it? What was the main takeaway from this incredible, yet frustratingly depressing experience that I got to have?
Let me start at the beginning. I was home for the Summer of 2021 and I needed an internship. I was searching for something that would relate to my major but I didn’t want it to be in my comfort zone. I was talking to my parents about how I was trying, but I hadn’t found anything yet. My dad offered me a job in accounting. His employee, who would soon be my boss, needed the help and I needed the opportunity. I said I would love to, but I wanted to be clear that I was there to work, not to be friends with him, and he agreed.
The first few weeks were amazing. I was learning new things, and getting along with my coworkers. A few weeks in, my dad, my boss Tiffany, and another employee sat me down. They said they needed someone to help up at reception. I was disappointed because I was learning so much and I wanted to continue to do so, but I couldn’t say no because my dad is the one who gave me the job in the first place. I felt like I owed him. I agreed and started working up at reception for about twenty of the forty hours I was there. Now I didn’t have the time to learn what I was looking forward to learning, I only had the time to complete the work I already knew how to do.
Now that I was completing smaller tasks, I didn’t feel as though my work was important anymore. My dad had to make sure I knew this. It felt like any chance he had, he would talk to me like I was getting paid to do nothing for forty hours a week. I tried to shake it off, not listen to his words, but it was difficult. I started to overthink. I was wondering why I wasn’t good enough, why I was offered the job in the first place, and why, out of everyone, was I the one that had to give up half my week to cover the receptionist desk. I had to talk to him about it. I just wanted an explanation. I wanted to know why he gave me the job in the first place. He knew I needed to be there to learn. He knew I was there for school.
It took me a long time to do, but I finally gathered the strength to have a conversation with him. I walked into his office, and he was talking with someone, so I sat down on the two-seater couch in his office. I waited for his conversation to be over, and as the salesman walked out of his office he looked at me and said “what’s up sweetie? Did you need something?”. “No,” I replied. “But, actually, yeah… I wanted to talk to you about something.” He was busy on his computer, so he continued typing and expected me to keep talking. “I was just wondering..is there anyone else that could work at the reception? Or at least split the time with me?” He immediately started to get defensive. “If I make someone else work reception it’ll look like I’m playing favorites. I can’t do that,” he said.
I couldn’t even speak without starting to tear up. I didn’t want to cry, but through this internship, I wanted nothing more than to learn. I just wanted this experience to be everything he talked it up to be. I tried to swallow my tears and start to speak, “I just don’t understand why you offered me this position if I wasn’t going to get to learn. You knew that I came here for school.” He stood up and I could tell he’s frustrated. “I can’t win here. I need someone to fill this spot, and you’re the one that makes the most sense. This is why, Sarah. This is why I didn’t want family to work for me. It causes too much drama.” He left his office and left me there. It was fine though, it gave me the time I needed to calm myself down before I went back to work.
After this moment I knew I needed to get through the internship and find real experience when I was done. I was already looking. I wanted to learn. I wanted to better myself and my life. I went through each day trying to stay away from my dad because I figured it would only cause problems. I did what I was told, only did what people asked me to do, and I kept my head down. I was treated differently by everyone anyway because I was the boss’s daughter.
The rest of my time there was boring and uneventful. It felt like I was living the same day on repeat. It wasn’t all that bad, though. I had my boss and a few work friends. They made it better for me, and they knew what was going on with my dad and me.
I tell this story for a few different reasons. It shows what I was focused on during my internship, and why I shouldn’t have been. Focusing on my dad’s words only made my time there a negative experience, but I experienced so much more than just him. I had my friends, who were there for me and showed me how a professional and personal relationship is supposed to mix. I had my work, whether it was at reception or back in accounting. This work mattered. I needed to be there, for myself and others. I knew that my dad had a job he had to do, and I was a puzzle piece in his work. He wasn’t being a bad person, he was trying to do the opposite. Everyone knows that the boss can’t make everyone happy. Mixing the personal and professional aspects of one’s life can work, but you have to be understanding to each other.
Reflecting on this internship, I know that I got a lot out of it. This internship led me to the job I have today, which is an amazing position that I love having. I’ve learned more than I could imagine by being in my current position, and I’m not done learning. I gained emotional and professional intelligence over the Summer of 2021. It was a very emotional time for me because I spent a lot of time trying to find the line between coworkers and family members with my dad and me. It was exhausting, but now I know why. The line is impossible to see. You can’t cut off a family member to be their coworker. It won’t work. I don’t think I want to mix family and work again, but I know that’s okay for me to decide. I’m good at what I do, and I know my strengths when it comes to my work.
I know this past Summer felt like a roller coaster, but overall it was a good decision because I was able to grow as a person. The most valuable takeaway from my internship was my emotional growth. I learned to accept the way I work and what I am capable of doing without allowing others’ negativity to intrude. I can be myself, and work to create a better environment for myself and others. This internship helped me conclude what I want to do when I graduate, which is to be a helper. I want to help people with their mental health. This journey through my internship gave me a lot of mixed emotions, but overall it helped me a lot more than it hurt me, and for that, I am grateful to have experienced it.
Sarah Wise is a Junior Marketing and Management major with a minor in psychology. She completed her internship through the accounting department at a dealership she wishes to keep anonymous and is currently working in the accounting department at Ballentine Ford Lincoln, Inc. Her plans are to own her own business in selling products that will give percentages back to help aid the mental health community.