Sara Gray: Do You Really Think You Have It All Figured Out?

I have had my whole future planned out since I started my breakaway in 2020. I knew that I wanted to go to graduate school and get my PhD in social and quantitative psychology. Once I had accomplished this, I wanted to become a professor at a university to help give students the same opportunities that I have been given. I had always planned to go straight into a graduate program after graduation, but like most things in life: my plans changed.

My breakaway was a pretty unusual one considering that we are still living in a world that has been majorly affected by Covid. I always wanted to study abroad, but I never got the opportunity because of it. Instead of a traditional breakaway I wanted to use my experience of writing a manuscript with a professor, a project that I have been involved in since sophomore year. This is not like a typical breakaway for many reasons. One reason is that it is still ongoing, and more than likely will continue to be for quite a while. Another reason is that it is also a collaborative project with one of my professors and three other co-authors. I was already in the midst of writing the manuscript when Covid hit. The manuscript focuses on BDSM practitioner’s relationship satisfaction and how often they use the three conflict resolution tactics (negotiation, psychological aggression, and physical assault), in comparison to three other groups (college students, general population with interest in BDSM, and general population without interest in BDSM). The research showed that the only statistically significant difference in the data was that BDSM practitioners scored lower on both psychological aggression and physical assault than the general population with interest in BDSM. Currently I have presented my findings at two conferences, the Academic Symposium here at Lander University, where I received first place for my research, and at a virtual conference for the Association of Psychological Science.

I may have started my breakaway pre-Covid, but after about two months in was when everything took a turn for the worse. We went into complete lockdown and all of my classes went online. It was hard enough to keep up with writing the manuscript, even with meeting with Dr. Gemberling once a week, all while being a full-time student. All of this became much harder when everything moved online. Even after we started going to classes in person again, it was still very difficult to manage writing and schoolwork, because life is still not normal in this post-lockdown world that we still live in. Time management was a major issue and continues to be as I am now a senior with a lot of extra curriculars and a life to live. When I started this manuscript, the goal was to have the manuscript under review for a journal so that I could put it on my CV and talk about it in my personal statements for graduate school. However, it is now nearly two years later, the manuscript is not yet done, and graduate school applications loom near.

My biggest regret about my breakaway was that I could not put two simple words, “under review,” on my CV in reference to my manuscript. It has continued to upset me but there is nothing I can do about it, or so I thought. Now that I have had time to reflect on my breakaway and really think about what I want for my future, I realized that I want to take a year off before applying to graduate school. I honestly do not know if I had finished the manuscript if I would have been able to make this decision. So in the end, my biggest regret has now become my biggest blessing.

If you would have told me that by taking this class, I would have changed up my whole timeline, I would have told you that you were crazy. However, after a lot of introspection and self-compassion, I have realized that this is the best course of action for me. This new timeline gives me the space to build up my CV, make my personal statements stellar, and get my manuscript under review before applying to graduate programs next fall. I can honestly say that this is one of the hardest and most liberating decisions that I have ever made in my life. My breakaway has taught me so much that I am very grateful for. Without this opportunity to reflect on what I have learned and truly think about my future with this class I do not know if I would ever have come to this conclusion on my own.

My breakaway has and will continued to affirm that I still want to continue the path that I have chosen. The only difference is now I know that taking a year off is the best course of action for me. I could not imagine being in graduate school while still trying to finish up the manuscript that I started in my sophomore year. Now I do not have to worry about that. I have given myself the time that I know I need, and the break that I believe everyone deserves after such a taxing time, not just in school but also in this new Covid era. I am lucky to have figured out that I needed this time before I applied to graduate school. I know that some are not so lucky. I had to talk to many professors for me to come to the conclusion that this is the best decision for myself and I will encourage any who are having similar issues or anyone who want to attend graduate school immediately after undergrad to talk to their professors about their own experiences. I had always assumed that everyone just went straight from their undergraduate program into their graduate program, but now I know that everyone’s journey is different and at the end of the day you have to do what is best for you. It takes a lot of time and introspection to make such a life altering decision, especially when you have had the same plan for so long, but I know that if I went through with my original plan I would have done nothing but waste time and money because I would have burnt out. My breakaway and this class have both helped show me that life does not always work out how we want it to, or even how we planned for it to. Plans change and that is okay.

Sara Gray is a senior Psychology major, with a minor in Information Technology, and is expected to graduate in May 2022. For her breakaway she has participated in writing a manuscript for publication. After graduation she plans to take a year off and apply to graduate programs to get her PhD in both social and quantitative psychology to one day become a college professor.