Carson Langston: I Can Do Things (Something I Did Not Know)
Personally, I think I had three major moments during my time in Spain,and they were not just moments, they were experiences on their own. A majority of the class I attended were adults as the normal age requirement for the program was 21, though they allow special permission if the person proves they can handle it. When I interviewed for the class over Skype, I was living on a farm and taking care of 16 horses, had two jobs, and went to school full time. Once I gave them this information they thought I would do just fine. The meat of the course was a blur of English grammar and lesson planning that I threw myself into wholeheartedly. However, the part of the course that has stuck with me the most was the last week. During my last week in Spain and my last week in the course so much happened that really changed my perspective on myself and how I was going to take in the world.
The street I lived on in Madrid, a 10 minute walk from the school.
Before the course ended, my course partner, Shane, and I had to turn in our partnered project called the Learner Business Profile Project where we made a Learner Profile for a student that was not a native English speaker. Shane and I had gotten all of our stuff done and it was time to put together some lessons for our learner. We assumed this was a one day job and set a date a time for it. When we got to making the lessons we realized this was much more than what we planned on having to do. We sat for hours going back and forth both equally invested in this project and worked into the night, stopping occasionally for meals and conversation about life as Shane and I normally did over meals. I think this was one of the first times in my life I was truly invested in the outcome of something and it showed me a side of myself I had not seen in a while. When you live with comorbid anxiety and depression, caring about one particular thing is very hard and you grow into a more apathetic personality than you may want to. I finally got to see myself caring about something I put hours of work into. The caring showed, Shane and I achieved and “Outstanding”, the highest grade, rarely given out by the trainers. This really showed me my own potential and ignited a spark that got me to believe in myself even just for a bit.
Once graduation day came around, I felt like I had actually earned my Certificate. Here I was now with physical evidence of what I could do when I finally put some love into the work I was doing. Holding that certificate in my hand surrounded by peers that I respected and that respected me back was a feeling I may search for again but not find for a long time. Coming to Spain, getting a TEFL Certification, and planning the whole trip on my own was very empowering. Most of the time my ideas for creating a future for myself go awry such as the horse farm I mentioned before that ended in drama and low self esteem for myself. Here I was with physical evidence that I can do things and I could do them on my own! In Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, people normally go through Industry vs. Inferiority between the ages of 5 and 13. When I graduated from my TEFL course at 20 I found my Industry, maybe a little late, but I found it and it felt great.
Fortunately for me, my time in Spain coincided with pride month. Since I came out as bisexual officially a year and a half ago, I had not really had the time or space to think anything more of it or of the social consequences of it, unless it came up in my regular life. The Madrid pride parade was scheduled to happen on my last weekend in Madrid. Shane had met a guy that lived in Madrid and they had started seeing each other often. Luis had a huge group of friends that were all middle aged gay men like him. This group took me under their wing and allowed me to tag along wherever they went for the last couple of weeks in Madrid, including the pride parade. I did not know that when I reached the city center and the parade that my heart would swell along with tears in my eyes as almost every shop and every person poured support for the LGBT community onto the street. What got me the most and made me sit in silence and absorb my surroundings was seeing the bisexual flag in the parade. It was truly a moment I made sure to remember for when I receive any hate for being bisexual. To look back on that moment brings pride in myself and who I am even in this moment. It was a beautiful experience to end my empowering trip out of my comfort zone, surrounded by new friends I did not even think I could make.
My travels have made me into a more self assured person and the success of it had me reporting lower instances of Anxiety and Depression for a whole month after I had arrived back in the US. Now, after college, I have the option to leave and find a new country to explore all whilst having a secure job as an English teacher. This will be on top of the Early Childhood Education degree I will hold from Lander hopefully by 2021; so if I wish I can stay here and teach as well. This experience brought me a confidence boost I can look back on, and it’s given me things I can look forward to: seeing the world, and a fun teaching job in the future.
Carson Langston is an Early Childhood Education major here at Lander University. She journeyed to Madrid, Spain to obtain a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) Certificate from TtMadrid. Her expected graduation is Spring 2021. After graduation Carson has plans to move to Oregon to be a teacher and to become competitive in Endurance horse racing.