Kendall Wakester: Abantuguo

When I was a child, I was almost a victim of kidnapping. I was in dollar general playing in the toys while my mom shopped when a man approached me and asked me if I would want some candy. I said yes and walked with him at first, but quickly realized this was not okay and when I tried to walk away, he grabbed me. My mom barely got to me before he made it out of the store with me. Ever since then, I have had a fear of strangers, especially when they are too close to me.

In Ghana, everyone is so close because of how crowded it is. People grab you and yank you in any direction. Ghanaians are very trusting of not only the stranger that they are close to, but the other strangers to protect them if anything were to happen.     

   

One day, I got in a tro-tro(a beat up van used for public transportation) on one of our many trips to the schools and a lady had four children with her, one baby and smaller children that looked to be from the ages of two to five. When they got on the tro-tro, there were limited seats, but the people in charge of the tro-tros do not want to lose any money so they make people squeeze and do not let people get back off. This lady sat next to me, left her baby on her back (I thought she was going to crush her), one kid sat in her lap, and she put the other two children in my lap and my friend’s. I and many others would never have the trust in strangers to do that.

Myself with the children at a near by school we visited.

But Ghanaians seem to have a different concept of personal space and social trust. I immediately wanted to reinforce my bubble as soon as I got there, but knew if I was going to make it, I had to dismantle it and stop freaking out anytime anyone got too close. 

On the first day, my supervisor, Kelly, and I were walking, and a man grabbed me to get in his taxi and I had a full meltdown and tried to run away screaming. My supervisor asked the right questions and listened to me about why I was running. She empathized with me because she was a child abduction victim herself. She had been separated from her mother for years before her abductor released her and she reconnected with her mother.

Kelly was able to tell me what she does to calm herself down and related to me with how crippling the fear can be. Throughout the two weeks, I felt myself becoming more and more comfortable with the closeness of strangers. I stopped feeling the fear as intense as I did that first day. I still catch myself using what she taught me to calm myself down in big crowds. Kelly is a huge reason I am slowly overcoming my anxiety in large crowds.

Kelly helped me with more than my anxiety that day. Before Ghana, I would have referred to myself as a less than empathetic person. It is not that I did not care to hear other’s stories and try to empathize, I just felt that empathy and sympathy get confused very often. Sympathy is almost an insult, but empathy is an understanding. 

That day, I learned the difference and how to convey empathy without sympathy. I also learned just how important it is to try to empathize. Even if it comes off as sympathy, it is better to try and fail than not try. Empathy takes practice. Kelly made me feel like I was not just some crazy girl crying in the dirt. She made me feel better about the hold that fear of strangers had on me. If by empathizing, I can help someone like she helped me, I want to empathize as many times as life gives me chances.

Abantuguo, it means revolution in Twi, the native language of the city of Dodowa in Ghana. My breakaway in Ghana was a revolution. It was life altering. When honors students talk about their breakaway changing them, they mention it helping them mature, which mine did.

But my breakaway altered so much more. It changed my goal in life, my fears, and my ability to empathize. 

I went abroad as an aspiring doctor and came back a driven nursing student. I left as an individual struggling with anxiety and came back a stronger person using better coping mechanisms to overcome her anxiety. I boarded the plane not knowing the impact empathy can have on someone and came back with a deep appreciation for its power. My breakaway caused a revolution within myself, leaving the old, timid but cold medical student in the past to reveal a strong, empathetic nursing student in its wake.

Me doing what I love in a place I love.

Kendall Wakester is a biology and nursing major with a chemistry minor from Laurens, South Carolina that plans to graduate in 2022. Her breakaway was a public health internship that took place in Ghana, Africa from May to June in 2018. She plans on working as a registered nurse before continuing her education to practice as a nurse practitioner specializing in pediatric oncology or neonatal intensive care.