Mel Bussard: One Time at Trans Camp

I spent two weeks at Camp Aranu’tiq in New Hampshire for a portion of my breakaway. Camp Aranu’tiq is a summer camp for transgender youth. It is a very safe and accepting environment where transgender kids can be themselves and have a good time with no questions asked. They do not have to worry about being placed in a cabin solely based off of the sex they were assigned at birth. They do not have to worry about other campers or staff treating them differently based on their gender identity. They do not get made fun of for their gender identity or asked a million personal questions. At camp, transgender campers and staff, are free from the societal flaws surrounding treatment of and behaviors toward transgender people. They are not mispronouned or misnamed. At Camp Aranu’tiq, transgender kids can enjoy a summer camp experience just like any other kid. 

Image from Disney's Mulan

One time at trans camp, I attended a talent show where two campers, one female to male transgender person and the other male to female transgender person, sung Reflections from Mulan. The lyrics of this song accurately depict the struggles of transgender people, especially those who struggle with gender dysphoria, a mental health diagnosis located in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. One line that resonates with me most is: “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?” At the talent show, the two campers sung the song together. The transgender guy (female to male) sung the original lyrics while the transgender girl (male to female) sung, “Who is that boy I see staring straight back at me?” I felt tingly and my eyes watered. Those around me were crying. It was such a beautiful moment but why? Why did it elicit this reaction? 

For the first time in my life I felt completely validated and understood. I was surrounded by people like me- people who have gone through the same struggles with their appearance and the acceptance of others regarding their gender identity. For the first time I felt like I belonged. The line of Reflections, “Somehow I cannot hide who I am though I’ve tried” holds a lot of power. To some it is just words to a Disney song but at camp, power of this lyric was made evident. At camp there is no hiding. Campers and staff are free of society’s perceptions. We can truly be seen as our authentic selves without the negative influences of gender role socialization, gender stereotypes, misunderstandings, ignorance, prejudice, and discrimination. In the absence of these negative influences, we become more aware of them when returning to the “real world.”

Outside of camp, gender is typically assumed by others based solely on one’s physical appearance and/or the depth of their voice. Unfortunately many transgender people get misgendered by others based on these qualities; therefore, their gender is already hidden. This means that if they want others to accept them and treat them in accordance with their gender identity, they have to draw attention to it. This is extremely difficult and emotionally taxing. For many it is easier just to remain hidden, safe from gender-based prejudice and discrimination but lost in society’s non-inclusive assumptions. Outside of camp, many of the campers and staff are expected to hide their gender identity—a very large piece of their identity. Some have to hide who they are around certain family members, at school, or at work. 

Acting is meant to be a hobby or profession but for many transgender people, it is a full time coping and survival mechanism. Reflections draws attention to this in the line, “Can it be that I’m not meant to play this part.” The following line is, “Now I see that if I were truly to be myself I would break my family’s heart.” Unfortunately many transgender people have a legitimate concern about experiencing rejection and abandonment from loved ones. That is another motivator for hiding and acting. 

The emotional responses to the campers’ cover of Reflections drew awareness both to our predicament in the real world and to the journey of these campers. Both of the campers appeared as if they were cisgender (people whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth); however, listening to them sing Reflections gave insight into the struggles they had to face to get to this point. 

I gained two insights from this specific experience. One: We are all on our own journeys, but if two children can reach a happy point in their journey so can myself and other transgender people. Two: Outside of camp, we need to make a place for ourselves in a world that was not developed with us in mind. This means educating people about how to be more inclusive of transgender people and facilitating social change. It is amazing how much insight can come from one song sung at trans camp.

Mel Bussard is a senior psychology major who will be graduating from Lander University in May of 2018. His breakaway involved volunteering at Camp Aranu’tiq, a summer camp for transgender youth in New Hampshire. After graduation, Mel plans to move to North Carolina, take some time to adult, and then attend graduate school for experimental psychology in hopes of becoming a psychology professor.